The Do’s and Don’ts
by BRANDON TIETZ
There are a few benchmark moments in every man’s life: the first fist fight, the first parentally unsupervised date, or the first time a guy attempts to tame his underbrush.
Unfortunately, this is a true “figure-it-out-for-yourself” moment. Fathers aren’t pulling their sons aside to provide them a tutorial like they do with shaving or throwing a football. That’d be a little weird. And hiring someone to do it, although possible, isn’t the type of thing most men feel comfortable paying for unless it’s in the northern hemisphere.
Besides, giving yourself the ol’ bottom beard trim is pretty easy as long as you follow a few simple do’s and don’ts.
First off, don’t use kitchen scissors, heavy duty scissors, or those giant scissors that people get for ribbon cutting ceremonies. Don’t use shared scissors. If the scissors you’re using to trim your bush are the same ones you’re using to chop chives with you’re doing it wrong. Believe it or not, your downstairs area has some naturally occurring bacteria that you don’t want to spread to other parts of your household. Trust me on this. Manscaping scissors should only be used for manscaping. Hide them if you have to.
Do invest in hairstyling shears. These are scissors specifically designed to cut hair. Maybe not necessarily that hair, but hair just the same. The advantage you get with shears over traditional scissors is a more precise cut with less weight. Shears can be a bit pricey, but the last thing you want is a patchy, uneven haircut that looks like you have alopecia. It’s not a good look. Do it right and get some shears, and always remember to disinfect them with alcohol after usage.
Don’t shave. Just don’t. Shaving gives you razor burn, and having an itchy downstairs area is maddening on Chinese water torture levels. There’s also the additional risk of nicking yourself in the process, which is a way bigger deal when it happens in that area compared to your face or chest. That bacteria that I mentioned earlier? You don’t want that getting inside of you. It can lead to some nasty health problems like cellulitis and abscesses. It’s best not to risk it.
I don’t condone the bald look on men, but if you absolutely have to do it, then do it with wax. Granted, waxing hurts like hell, but you avoid the risk of cutting yourself and getting that pesky razor burn. Also, since waxing plucks the hair out by the root, you’re ensuring a much longer smoothness period compared to shaving. Again, I’m not a proponent of this. I personally think the scorched-Earth look is a little too reminiscent of a prepubescent boy, but hey—whatever floats your (or your significant other’s) boat.
Do only what you’re comfortable with. If having a pair of shears or hot wax next to your junk gives you the shakes, it’s probably best to hire a professional or refrain from the process entirely. The last thing you want is to have an accident, so always do your due diligence on appropriate grooming habits.
Do your research, use sterilized tools, and take every precaution to avoid hurting yourself. That last part about safety is the most important part of the manscaping equation. Just Google search “when manscaping goes wrong” to get an idea of what I’m talking about.